How i met your mother S01E01 - Scene 12

Scene twelve

 

[Cut to cab]

Barney: Why are we still sitting here? Let’s go! We can still make last call. What do you say Lil? (Pirate Accent) Yo, ho ho and a bottle o’ rum? (Silence) ‘Cuz you’re a pirate…

Lily: Okay, eye patch gone—(takes eye patch off and throws it at Barney) And we can’t just abandon Ted. If it doesn’t go well up there he’s gonna need some support.

Marshall: It’s been like twenty minutes. You think they’re doin’ it?

Barney: You think they’re doing it in front of the dogs?

Marshall: Doggie style. (Laughs)

Barney: I had this girl in college; she had a golden retriever—

Lily: Okay, we can go to the bar, just stop talking.

Barney: Hit it Ranjit. (They drive off)

(Ted and Robin come out the door)

Ted: So when you tell this story to your friends, could you avoid the word “psycho”? I prefer…eccentric.

Robin: Good night, psycho (smiles). (Ted sarcastically clutches heart. Realizes friends left him)

Ted: Great (before Robin closes the door) Umm… how do I get to the F Train?

Robin: Oh, um—two blocks (comes out) that way (points) and take a right.

Ted: (upset/tired) Thanks. (Walks down the steps. Robin begins to walk in) You know what? (Robin stops. Ted turns around). I’m done being single. I’m not good at it. Look, obviously you can’t tell a woman you just met you love her. But… it sucks that you can’t. I’ll tell you something though, if a woman—not you… just some hypothetical woman—were to bare with me through all this. I think I’d make a damn good husband. Because that’s the stuff I’d be good at. Stuff like making her laugh and being a good father… and walking her five hypothetical dogs. Being a good kisser.

Robin: Everyone thinks they’re a good kisser.

Ted: Oh, I’ve got references.

Robin: Good night, Ted. (Shake hands.)

Ted: And I’m a good hand shaker

Robin: that’s a pretty great hand shake. (Looks him in the eyes)